This was such a pretty place that I just stayed
I made roots
And my leaves gave you shade
To sleep in on a Sunday
Then read outside safe from this sunny afternoon, drinking an iced tea.
I drove us for hours and hours until we reached our porch
We let the dogs run wild in the woods behind our house as we hugged, so proud of ourselves
And I let myself believe I got this one thing right.
The house was falling down, broken everywhere but we had the will
We hammered so many walls and put up only our favorite pictures
We made space for all our things even though we promised to leave all our baggage behind
And we filled that with little things,
A hammock,
Shoes and books,
Your curly shampoo.
It wasn't much, but it was ours.
The house leaked when it rained and the wiring was a mess
So we played cards until you fell asleep
And I'd wander through our halls
absorbing everything, touching every wall, every column, every inch
I'd sit in the dark and listen carefully to the wind howling outside
And the faint sound of your body rolling in the mattress
Laying in our couch at 3 a.m. I'd think
This is us. We are here, somehow. We can be here for as long as we want.
And my chest felt warm.
Some time has passed. You got a job, I'm still a little lost.
I still sit in our living room at 3 a.m. but I always keep the corridor light on
I'm scared to be alone and the dark feels very crowded.
When the lights are out I can see you and me, just as we were, and it's weird
I see the shirt your wore today hanging in the back of one of our dining chairs
Your boots sitting next to my flats
And it's weird. It's not where it belongs.
I used to move them back, but I don't anymore, so there they lay.
I'm thankful the lights are on, so I don't step on them and fall.
We talked about moving, but your job is in this town, so we just stayed
I wanted a dog but you said our house is too small, so we never got one
You wanted to stay at your friends house but I still had some stuff in our home, so you went alone.
I'm still sitting in our living room
Corridor light on so I can see you come in
Any minute now.
Any minute now.
Any minute now.
I'm still sitting in our living room
All lights out so I can only feel my own body and the howling wind coming in
The house is leaking with this storm and I can feel the water grazing my legs hanging out the couch
It comes in waves until it hits my spine and the cold settles in completely
I know I need to run, I need to go right now
But even if the water is getting to my nose
You're gonna come home
Any minute now.
